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Style comparison. This thread asks you to read 2 short stories.

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Old 07-08-2009, 09:01 PM
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Default Style comparison. This thread asks you to read 2 short stories.


Warning: links to 2 very short stories involved. Asking people to compare styles.

That being said, Hi all.

What I'm asking is not a review of 2 stories (I'm not fishing for more reads, here, trying to cheat), but just a quick read or even a glimpse at two styles. I'm trying to develop my style.

I hope this isn't breaking any rules. I'd really appreciate if you would let me know what you think:

1) the shorter, faster paced style (http://www.writersbeat.com/showthread.php?t=18441)

2) the longer, more descriptive style (http://www.writersbeat.com/showthread.php?t=18577)

If you can explain why, I'd appreciate that even more. I plan to write several more in this vein, but could use a push.

Again, not a full review. Please ignore grammatical errors, spellings, plot, etc. Just pacing, descriptions, action, length, etc.

Thanks so much

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Old 07-09-2009, 02:38 AM
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Personally I preferred the action pace of story one. It read quick and easy and wasn't labored down by a lot of extraneous detail as in story two. For me story two just couldn't get going. I think it was the fact that they were going to an emergency but everything centered on getting ready to go and finally going. If you can find a happy medium combining the two you will probably have a style that appeals to a broader reader base. Just don't let it drag on with too much needless detail.
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Old 07-09-2009, 08:06 AM
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I liked both of them, but Gaines makes a good point about extraneous detail in what should be an action piece. Personally, I think all the side info about getting dressed, the hazards of riding on the fire truck, the mustaches and such in the longer piece is good, but it doesn't belong in the middle of a call-out when you are searching for a possible fire. We want to be carried along with you as you race to the scene, search the premises, and do the business. If you start filling us in on peripheral information then, you slow the pace down. Action scenes work best with short, sharp sentences. These add to the sense of immediacy. They should also stick to the matter at hand. Anything else can be worked in elsewhere. For instance, the other bits about no one wanting to use your phone after it's been in your boots, or the facial hair thing, can be introduced in sections where you are hanging out in the firehouse between calls. They are good, but you don't want to make us laugh when lives are possible at risk.

Hope this helps.
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Old 07-09-2009, 11:08 AM
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Good points, thanks!
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Old 07-10-2009, 05:35 PM
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It depends.

I prefer long, winding literature, for one... but it depends on context. In this case, I don't think you properly did the 'long' version - doesn't really seem your style - so... stick to the short version.
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